Posted in Living Peacefully, The Autism Gospel

Beautiful, Peaceful Feet

I knew that it was likely to happen one day, but Noah had never mentioned it. Naively, I assumed that maybe he just stayed under the radar of kids who would bully him. I was wrong. Yesterday in the car I was lamenting how I saw a student make fun of another student today. Noah, in a very matter-of-fact way, replied, “Yeah, kids make fun of my shoes.” I felt like someone punched me in the gut.

I wanted to ask a million questions at once…Who is this punk and where does he live? Did you tell a teacher? Did he do anything else to you? Did you feel physically threatened? Why didn’t you tell me? I would have bought you new shoes! Great shoes! Awesome shoes! Way better shoes than he has…[continue Psycho-Mom rant here]

I managed to swallow back all of my fear and anger and ask instead, “What did you do?” Noah calmly replied, “Oh, nothing. This stuff just happens.” I asked if he would like new shoes. Looking out the window as we pulled into our neighborhood, Noah replied, “No, I’ll get new shoes when I outgrow my old ones. We don’t buy new shoes because of that.”

Henri Nouwen , in Adam, tells the story of Adam Arnett, his “friend, teacher and my guide”[1] at L’Arche Daybreak community in Toronto. Nouwen served as Adam’s caregiver and, after Adam’s death, felt compelled to write how “Like that of the first Adam, our Adam represents every human person and thus more easily raises the question: ‘Who is your Adam who speaks to you about God.’”[2]

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I suppose Noah, in all of his autistic mystery, has spoken to me about God more than anyone I have ever known. His calm response was more than just an indicator that he doesn’t feel social pressures due to his challenges. Something in the tone of his reply let me know that he had just completely seen through an uncomfortable encounter with humanity. While it took me a few moments to grasp a Christ-like response, his insight was immediate. Nouwen wrote about the aptitude people with disabilities show in displaying better responses to the world and it’s pressures.

He was a person, who by his very life announced the marvelous mystery of our God: I am precious, beloved, whole and born of God. Adam bore silent witness to his mystery, which has nothing to do with whether or not he could speak, walk, or express himself, whether or not he made money, had a job, was fashionable, famous, married or single. It had to do with his being. He was and is a beloved child of God. It is the same news that Jesus came to announce, and it is the news that all those who are poor keep proclaiming in and through their very weakness.

Unfortunately, there is a very loud, consistent, and powerful message coming to us from our world that leads us to believe that we must prove our belovedness by how we look, by what we have, and by what we can accomplish…We need to hear the message announced and see the message embodied, over and over again. Only then do we find the courage to claim it and to live from it.[3]

Noah reminds me there is a better way to live and respond to the world, a Third Way. Often times, for his brain, this different way is his default and I am left wondering which of us is really “disabled.”

How beautiful upon the mountains

are the feet of him who brings good tidings,

who publishes peace,

who brings good tidings of good,

who publishes salvation,

who says to Zion, “Your God reigns.”

(Isaiah 52:7)

[1] Henri J.M. Nouwen, Adam, God’s Beloved (Maryknoll, N.Y.: Orbis Books, 1997), 15.

[2] Ibid. 17.

[3] Ibid. 36-37.

Posted in Uncategorized

Fishers of Friends: a Membership story

What follows is a parable from real life about friendship and one becoming a member of the fellowship of another despite great differences. I am ever thankful for the man and the boy who made the story real, and to God for allowing me to witness it and tell  it.

 

We attend a small church full of fun-loving, kindhearted Christ followers. Were I to tell you about each of them I would begin each introduction with, “Now there is Cathy…she is my favorite.” So will be no surprise to any of them to hear me begin “There is a man at my church named Ned and he is my favorite.”

It isn’t uncommon for Ned to call to check in on me every once in a while. He takes a personal interest in if my car is in fine operating condition and often inquires to my health and that of my husband. He is a builder of many things by trade. Often I am privileged to view of a picture on his phone of something he has built. We are friends.

Knowing Ned the way I do, it really didn’t shock me when he expressed a desire to take Noah fishing. Since we moved so close to the lake a year ago, Noah has constantly expressed a desire to go fishing. Were my father alive, nothing would have made him happier than spend a day on the banks of Lake Lanier with Noah. But I fear I have forgotten most of what I learned by his side.

When Ned heard of this need, he immediately saw an opportunity to share something. It should be said that he doesn’t have any formal training in special education. But Ned heard that Noah had an interest in something he was interested in and offered to spend the day with him.

Ned took this opportunity very seriously and called me several times to work through both our schedules to find a time for their outing. We worked for about a week until we could move around this and that to find an open morning. It took purposeful planning on his part to make a space for Noah during his busy week.

And they fished.

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 It should be said that Noah’s difficulty in large and fine motor movement make certain elements of fishing more complicated than others. For instance, Noah still lacks the fine motor skills to tie shoelaces. I wasn’t sure how he was going to bait a hook. Additionally, Noah is left-handed so standing behind him to model hand-over-hand is impossible (for me at least.) But I was sure if worst came to worst, Ned would just it for him. As for large motor skills, casting takes more large motor planning than you might think. I knew if Noah became frustrated by these two things before he even got his hook in the water all would be lost.

It was how these complex obstacles were completed seamlessly that began my reflection of this parable. Noah became proficient at baiting his hook. How? Well, Ned might not be instructed in occupational therapy principles to enable him to teach the correct over-under method, but as it turns out Ned is even more capable than that for you see, Ned is left-handed. It was much more natural for Ned to instruct Noah than it would have been for the best right-handed therapist. It seem that Ned had been especially equipped for this task without any preparation. (Maybe I’ll ask him to teach him to tie his shoes next.) I assume that observing Ned cast in all his left-handed glory allowed Noah the exact view he needed to calculate his motions and then imitate them.

Noah caught ten fish that day.

Allow me a moment to breakdown what may appear to be sweet story into teaching on accepting the other as a member.

  1. Ned heard… This hearing was possible only through Ned’s placing himself in proximity to our family. He has a taken an interest in our family and its needs. He placed himself in proximity to know us and to know Noah. His nearness has been a blessing to my son’s life. How often do we place ourselves in proximity, in nearness, to someone other than us?
  2. He followed through…The intentionality of this simple, peaceful appointment cannot be overlooked. It was just one morning of his life, but it required a purposeful following through of his best intentions. How many times do we genuinely mean to get around to spending time with someone but let other things gain importance before it ever happens?
  3. And they fished…Fishing is, in general, a peaceful and relaxing activity. My father always declared he would be a “better man” if he lived on the water because of its relaxing and peace-giving properties. But the lack of busyness perhaps required even more of Ned. Noah is no brilliant conversationalist. Many people are uncomfortable around the silence. It also placed Ned in strange environs with someone who clings to familiarity and routine. In short, it could have been disastrous. Ned, however, did not seek a proactive solution to every eventuality. He was simply open to Noah. Openness requires we let go of any preconceived expectation and just enjoy someone for themselves. In this way we may become full members of one another in a community formed by love. Henri Nouwen wrote concerning what constitutes a community in The Genessee Diary. He reflected

The uniqueness of our neighbors is not related to those idiosyncratic qualities that only they and nobody else have, but it is related to the fact that God’s eternal beauty and love become visible in these unique, irreplaceable, finite human beings. It is exactly in the preciousness of the individual person that the eternal love of God is refracted and becomes the basis of a community of love.

Ned was able to, in openness, look beyond Noah’s idiosyncrasies and oddities to see him in the image of God – unique, irreplaceable, and precious.

4. Left-handedness…What makes me smile most is that Noah and Ned share something that Noah and I do not – left-handedness. They could instantly identify with one another. They probably have little else in common, but this simple identification made all the difference. The willingness to identify with another is a gift to them. Because of that willing identification, Noah sought to imitate the person before him.

 

PROXIMITY + INTENTIONALITY + OPENNESS + IDENTIFICATION = MEMBERSHIP

 

I have no doubt this will be the first of many outings for the” Left-Handed, Para-Autistic Fishing Club of Cumming.” And each will be a parable to itself testifying to membership.