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The Autism Gospel – Believe

I was packing my well-worn suitcase for a speaking engagement at yet another conference. Always remembering to rehearse Noah’s weekly schedule in my absence, I called him into my room as I packed. We went over which members of our church were providing respite for us each afternoon, what he could have for snack, and other essential items on the week’s agenda. After reciting the plans, Noah asked what I was going to be doing. He knows that I teach about “people like him” and how to include them in church and school. He understands that I tell stories about our life together and how autism impacted our life. But he surprised me when he asked, “Mom, you won’t forget me when you are gone will you?

I chuckled as I placed more clothes and books in my suitcase. The idea that Noah is ever off my mind for more than five minutes is ludicrous. My entire life has become about telling our story so that others can find hope. I smiled and casually quipped, “Noah all I do is talk about you everyday in lectures while I am gone. How in this world could I forget you while I was gone – even if I wanted to? For heaven’s sake Noah, if it weren’t for you I wouldn’t even have a job.”

I turned to continue my task but was brought to full attention as Noah came around the bed and placed his hands on my shoulders. Looking me full in the face and straight in the eye, Noah imparted a wisdom that I can only see as more of our autism gospel.

“Oh, Mom. You say you wouldn’t have a job if it weren’t for me, but I think you wouldn’t have a job if it weren’t for you because you were the one who always believed.”

Walking away satisfied, Noah went back to his room to continue building Legos. Completely humbled, I sat on the floor at my bedside and wept. I wept for all the days that I left therapy completely defeated because he wouldn’t cooperate with the therapist. I wept for the day I was told he was being moved to a behavioral unit at school because he was incapable of cognitive processes. I wept for all the times I came upon him sitting in the hallway outside a Sunday school classroom because the commotion and excitement of the lesson frightened him. I wept for all the moments over all these years when I had perceived that we had failed.

And I wept not because we have proved people wrong or in gratitude that we have come so far, but because Noah recognized all of those moments not as monuments to failure but rather as milestones in a journey of belief. Mainly, I think I believed because my other option was so dismal. I could either choose hope or desolation. I could continue to work on small, manageable solutions to our difficulties, or I could just stop and accept despair. Mostly, I just hoped there was more to us than it appeared.

Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal. [1]

Noah sees our story as one of hope through a series of seeming defeats where someone chose to believe against all odds. Perhaps we should all take a page out of this autism gospel and choose to believe in the unseen in light of eternity. I think that is where we could find hope and peace. I know that Noah has.

The gospel of this autism moment tells us that someone needs you to believe in an unseen hope. There is probably someone who needs you to see past the defeat and unmet expectations. Believing in Noah didn’t look like tons of new therapy techniques or another medical solution to our crisis. Believing didn’t involve continual work to meet his IEP goals. We did those things, but that wasn’t the act of believing. Believing didn’t require me to have an immediate solution. Believing asked me to have hope in spite of the fact that I didn’t have a solution.

I offer no magic solutions on this Autism Awareness Day. I only propose that we choose to believe that all of us are more than our deficits. Noah taught me the value of just believing in the potential of what we cannot see. Maybe soon we’ll have Autism Acceptance Day where we celebrate how different and unalike we are.

But until then, just believe.

 

[1] The Holy Bible: New International Version (Grand Rapids, MI: Zondervan, 1984), 2 Co 4:16–18.

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Serve Serve Serve

I just finished watching myself on our television. I will never – ever – reconcile myself to this. It was just a training video that I filmed last October for Standard Publishing’s Jungle Safari VBS. I was honored to be asked to participate not only in shooting this video, but Noah and I were included in the promotional materials because of my work on the team that wrote the materials. It was an honor to help pioneer a “special needs friendly” VBS curriculum for Standard, just as it is my honor to host their blogtalk radio program twice a month and write for Shaping Special Hearts Newsletter. But still, I become anxious just thinking about the implications of being touted as the “special needs expert.”

I’m so uncomfortable with it, in fact, that when asked to contribute Key Ministry’s blog as a guest blogger, my entire post was dedicated to defaming “the expert.” Read “Some Assembly But No Expertise Required” here. I’m still just Noah’s mom. I learned him and the other children with special needs in the ministry I was charged with and just made it work. Now, some years later, “special needs expert” follows my name in programs, videos and on promotional posters. It just doesn’t seem to make sense to me. And next week I’ll be even more perplexed, wandering around Disney’s Coronado Springs Convention Center realizing that people are there to hear me present materials about special needs ministry as “the expert.”

As I continued to take apart my presentation and put it back together for the sixth time (while fighting off an anxiety attack) I frantically opened my desk drawer to find two simple rubber bracelets that brought hope and perspective.

serveThese were issued to us last year at INCM’s Children’s Pastor’s Conference. They were simply a way to identify ourselves and our area of expertise so that if anyone saw us at a networking function they could easily identify what kind of ministry to children we are involved in. For example, my grey band reads “serve by example” designating me as a person in leadership. The blue band, more significantly, reads “serve special needs.”

Even though I received them last winter, I kept them in my desk drawer as a reminder of my greater mission. You may be wondering why I need to remind myself that I am seen as a leader or involved in ministry to people with special needs. But it isn’t that designation that prompted me to keep the bands. It is the first directive that has inspired me throughout the year – serve. This theme for CPC and INCM refreshed me not only during the conferences, but also throughout the year. They simply phrase it “serve  serve  serve.”

When I have been tempted to become completely overwhelmed by any project I am writing, I remind myself that my goal is to serve. Last year as I completed my thesis, I would wrap those bands around my wrist and ask God to use my feeble words to serve his Church. Before my first radio show, first radio show last spring, I donned my bracelets and uttered a prayer. As I have written for PURE Ministries and helped develop resources for our network, I absently run my thumb over the word serve and find peace and solace.

I’m not going to CPC next week to be the expert, I’m going to serve. I’ll serve Standard Publishing at their booth as I answer questions about the curriculum to which I contribute. I’m happy to serve alongside a team of editors, consultants and marketing managers with vision for equipping the church. I’ll serve cmconnect as I talk with fellow leaders about the possibility of interviewing them on the radio show this year. And most of all, I’ll serve the children’s ministry leaders who attend the conference. I don’t have to “wow them” with brilliance or come across as this world-class expert, I’m there to serve.

Once when Jesus’ disciples were arguing about being the greatest (maybe we can read being “experts in the kingdom”) he brought it back to this truth.

Sitting down, Jesus called the Twelve and said, “If anyone wants to be first, he must be the very last, and the servant of all.”

So I’ll serve gladly and be better for it. And I think it will feel like home.

Posted in PURE Ministry

PURE Post…Will There Be Buddies?

a story about kingdom friendship that I wrote for PURE Ministries

 

There was a buzz in the air as volunteers received their assignments for the evening. As a visitor, I was observing from a safe distance when I heard a child ask a question that would re-frame my thinking for many days to come. In a loud and breathless voice she asked, “Will there be lots of ‘Buddies’ here tonight?”

She was a PURE child coming to participate in the monthly respite ministry at Blackshear Place Baptist Church in Flowery Branch, Georgia. While I listened to a volunteer greet her and assure her that, yes, there would be plenty of “Buddies” here this evening, I couldn’t help but marvel at her question.

At first, her question didn’t make sense to me. Because this was my first visit to a respite event, I was intent on seeing the schedule and organization of such an occasion. My mind was readied to make a list of administrative tasks required to accomplish such an event. I was ready to do the mental gymnastics necessary to generate a simple budget for this kind of ministry. My notebook and pen were prepared to record basic supplies essential for an event that I was sure would be overwhelming in scope.

Still, her simple question took me by surprise. I assumed she would want to talk about the activities she would be doing.  But, she didn’t.  Her primary interest wasn’t which activities she would encounter that evening or whether or not her favorite interest would be represented. She simply wanted to know who was coming to serve that evening. My task-oriented mind had immediately jumped to the issue of recruiting for such a ministry emphasis. Focusing on all the special training this must require, I was sure that would be the crux of the information that would fill my notebook and calm my questioning mind. Little did I know that at the end of the night, I would leave with scarcely a half page of notes yet with every question I could possibly have answered in full.

Read more about this amazing ministry by following this link the PURE Ministries blog.

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Shaping Special Hearts: Respite Ministry 09/17 by CMConnect | Religion Podcasts

Ever wondered how to be make a HUGE difference in the life of a special needs family in just one night? Do you wish you could find a way to connect your church to this special area of service in a manageable way? Please listen to this episode of Shaping Special Hearts to be blessed by Lori Millwood from Blackshear Place Baptist Church in Flowery Branch, GA.

 

 

Shaping Special Hearts: Respite Ministry 09/17 by CMConnect | Religion Podcasts.